Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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