i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
