My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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