Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
