Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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