thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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