omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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