Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
