Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
