Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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