Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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