It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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