Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
