11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
