Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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