WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
