the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
