and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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