I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
