hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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