just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
