brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
