he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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