Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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