Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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