Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
