it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
