shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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