i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
