i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
