your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
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You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
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A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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