Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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