my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
