i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
