i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
