The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
