I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
