the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
