She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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