Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
