There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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