oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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