Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
