I faked an abortion last night.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
