How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
