So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
