I understand Curling. That high.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
