The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
