Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
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