In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
