all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
