I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
