Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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