I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
did you just send me my own nude
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
