Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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