MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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