remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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