therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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