Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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