she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
