Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Randomize
