There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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