and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
