So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
