i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Bring me that man meat
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
