the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
