this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
