I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
