he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
