New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
